


Nine Lives

by gingerbread man (xphantomhive)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Character Study, Dave-centric, F/F, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Tagging this was a fiasco let me tell you, Unrequited Love, i guess, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 18:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4447304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphantomhive/pseuds/gingerbread%20man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i am the knight of time<br/>when i sleep i dream of a million different lives<br/>i dream of lives i could have lived<br/>of lives my friends could have lived<br/>of lives the trolls could have lived<br/>if it werent for the game</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nine Lives

You are the Knight of Time.

When you sleep, you dream of a million different lives you could have lived, a million different lives your best friends could have lived, a million different lives the trolls could have lived - if it weren’t for this godforsaken game pulled straight from hell. Satan must have manufactured it with his own two grubby palms.

You really wish you would have told your friends no when they asked you to play.

(you never wanted to in the first place)

 

* * *

 

The first life you dream is not your own,

it is Rose’s.

You’re in a bookstore; the place is downright filthy, looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in years. But you can see from the window you’re standing by (even though it’s covered in a thick layer of dust) that there are people lined around the block. They’re all clutching books to their chests for dear life, and when you wipe the window with your palm you can see they’re biographies.

The people inside of the store are all crowded around the table Rose is sitting at, and you know it’s her because she looks no different than before. Older, yes. But her hair is still a neat blonde bob, and her skin is still pale as snow, and her eyes still glow amethyst under the dying lights of the store.

She smiles graciously and autographs a few books, and you tune in to the conversation of the girls passing you just in time to hear: “...really funny, but her husband John sounds even funnier.”

When you wake up you are sick to your stomach.

 

* * *

 

The second life you dream is, thankfully, your own.

You’re standing in the middle of a dingy apartment. The entire place is vacant, but you can tell it’s yours by the pictures displayed proudly on the walls. Most of them are of you and Karkat, but a few are of you, John, Jade, and Rose. “...and I don’t see why she can’t buy her own catnip!”

You jump at the voice. You’ve heard it before, of course (it’s hard to forget a voice when the person it belongs to is always set at one volume) but you’re startled by it nonetheless. It’s coming from the next room, so you lean around the corner and pray to god other timeline versions of you can’t see you, and look.

Karkat is dropping a handful of paper bags onto the floor when you look, still going off on a tangent about the person who can’t buy their own catnip (likely Nepeta) but the version of you doesn’t seem to be paying much attention. He seems more interested in his phone, than anything. He’ll hum every once and a while, probably to make Karkat think he’s listening, and that seems to keep the angry troll content.

You lean over your own shoulder, feeling bad for eavesdropping for only a second before you realize you’re spying on yourself.

JOHN:  dave! how are you?

This you smiles. Karkat keeps ranting.

DAVE:  alright, karkats ranting again

JOHN:  you poor thing, hehe.

DAVE:  the laugh makes me know you dont feel bad

JOHN:  sorry davey! :B i get the same shit from vriska, you know.

DAVE:  yeah i know

DAVE:  …

DAVE:  i still love you

JOHN: i know.

You shoot up in place, drenched in cold sweat. Rose is in the bed next to yours, but rather than sleeping she’s up reading a book. She looks over at you, raises a slender eyebrow, and before you can stop yourself you blurt, “I just had the weirdest dream.”

 

* * *

 

The third life you dream is not yours, but you are in it.

It’s a wedding, from what you can see. The altar is empty, but the cheap plastic chairs are already filling. You notice a few trolls, Rose and Jade, and John’s dad. You guess it could be John’s wedding, and when you see him rush down the aisle (still an awkward fumbly mess as always) in a tux, you know it’s his. Question is, who’s he marrying?

The traditional wedding song starts up, and oh, there’s the bride. You can’t tell who it is, but judging by the gray skin, it’s one of the trolls. Once they make it to the altar, John uncovers their face, and you sidestep to see them. It’s Vriska. Her black hair is shorter than it used to be, almost the same length as Rose’s, and she’s smiling.

You’re there long enough to see the entire ceremony, and long enough to see this version of you almost cry when Vriska and John kiss.

 

* * *

 

The fourth life you dream is not your own,

it is John’s.

Instead of standing in a dingy apartment, you’re standing in the living room of what is the epitome of a suburban home. The entire place is calm and quiet until it isn’t any longer, and when you look for the source of noise you see a little girl running full speed down the staircase across from you. “Casey!” You hear someone yell frustratedly, but it isn’t John (you would know if it were his voice).

No, it’s Dirk. He’s chasing the kid, Casey, with a bottle in his hand. You think it might be some form of medication, but you can’t be sure. A few seconds later, John is taking a slow walk down the stairs after them, laughing the entire way. “This isn’t fucking funny, John, she won’t take this allergy bullshit and I don’t want her sneezing the entire day.”

“It’s cute how much you care,” John comments, kissing Dirk’s nose. Oh. _Oh._ This must be a timeline where Egbert dropped the whole “I am not a homosexual” schtick. “Tell her you’ll give her candy if she takes it.”

“No, John. That’s spoiling her for absolutely no reason. She’s going to get cavities, who the fuck even taught you to parent?”

John flicks Dirk’s forehead. “My dad, who was great, thank you.”

Dirk kisses him. “Mhm.”

When you wake up this time, you throw up all over the carpet next to your bed.

Rose sets her book down calmly, cleans it up, and kisses your head.

 

* * *

 

The fifth life you dream has got to be the most fucked up of them all.

You start off sitting on a sofa. It’s white leather, and it is immaculate. The house you’re in is definitely on the more expensive line of the spectrum, and you’re left trying to figure out who resides here until you see the pictures on the mantle (of the fireplace you hadn’t noticed before now).

All of the photographs are of Jade and Rose, with a girl wedged between them. You think it might be Roxy, but you can’t tell for certain. “...can’t believe he did that!”

The voice floats over from the next room, so you stand from your seat on the expensive couch and walk quietly to the source of it. Judging by the smell that hits you, you guess it’s probably a kitchen. “This is John we’re talking about,” Rose says, leaning over from her spot next to Jade and kissing her cheek gently. “He probably just forgot, honey.”

Jade hums. “Yeah, probably. Don’t tell him about my little fit.”

Rose touches her chest, fanning herself dramatically. “I’m hurt you thought I might.”

They part ways with a kiss, and since Jade doesn’t seem to be doing anything important (you assume she’s making dinner or something, and when she tells the girl from the pictures who is probably Roxy to set the table for dinner, you know that’s exactly what she’s doing) you follow Rose to wherever she was going.

You find the blonde perched on an office chair, rifling through a bunch of pictures. She has a phone tucked into her shoulder. “It’s just been really bad lately, you know? I think she might be cheating on me,” Rose pauses and turns, and you duck behind the doorway like she can actually see you. When she starts talking again, you lean around the corner and continue watching. “I know, Kan. And I feel bad about it.”

Feel bad about _it_?

“I know, I know. But I love you.”

Oh.

_Oh._

“It,” must mean cheating on Jade. You try to remember the name Rose had called the person, and after a minute, you recall that it was “Kan.” Your best guess is that she’s talking to Kanaya, who she dated in-game, in your universe. “Ah-ha!” Rose shouts suddenly, and you jump so high you almost hit the ceiling. “Here it is. I knew it. A number written on a napkin, from Feferi, that says “call me cutie xoxo” under it. I told you she was cheating on me.”

And then you guess it sets in that she’s being cheated on, since she sinks to the ground and starts crying. “I feel so bad.”

You step closer, close enough to hear Kanaya’s response.

“Dave is doing the same thing to Karkat.”

and you find yourself standing in a suburban home.

It seems deserted, but since you were transported here, it must have something to do with this timeline. Right? Right. You wander around for a few minutes, until you vaguely hear two voices, and you manage to strain enough to hear “...not sorry.”

You follow the voice and find yourself standing in a bedroom. On the way there, you pass another room. It’s pink and there are butterflies on the wall, so you can only assume it’s a girl’s room, and why the hell does no one have a son in these timelines? But more importantly than that, you’re standing in the doorway of a room and looking at yourself in a different timeline, way older, crying into John Egbert’s shoulder.

What the fuck.

“I’m so fucking stupid,” Older you weeps quietly. “Goddammit, I really am.”

“You aren’t stupid.” This John mumbles. The version of you you’re currently looking at has to be at least thirty, but the John only looks to be about nineteen.

What the fuck.

“No, I am.”

Older but also younger John leans over and kisses older you, and then older you is sobbing into his chest and shaking in his arms.

What

the

_fuck._

You never do figure out why older you was crying, because before you know it you’re waking up with your face smushed into a pillow. There are dried tears on your cheeks, and your sunglasses are folded and on the table next to you. Rose is up again, and you wonder briefly if she ever sleeps.

“You were crying,” is all she says, and you stuff your face back into the fabric.

 

* * *

 

The sixth life you dream is not yours,

it is Nepeta’s.

You know practically nothing about Nepeta. You don’t even know her last name. That’s why it makes no sense that you’re seeing one of her timelines, but she’s a heart player, not a time player. Who else to see them but you?

You’re in some for cave, and said catgirl is curled against the wall. You venture over to her quietly, even though you know by now no one in the timelines you dream about can see or hear you. Nepeta is typing away on her phone, and you feel like kind of an ass for spying on her conversation, but what else are you supposed to do? This place is giving you the creeps, even if you aren’t actually here.

AC: :33 < we cant play sgurb! tell everyone right now

AA: why n0t?

AC: :33 < i had a very bad dream about it

AC: :33 < one where all of us were dead

AC: :33 < you, karkitty, equius, me

AC: :33 < and i think its a bad sign!

AA: it is definitely n0t a g00d 0ne

AA: ill tell the 0thers

AA: thank y0u f0r p0tentially saving my life nepeta

AC: :33 < no purroblem!

Oh.

Wow.

This is a timeline where Nepeta saved her entire species. Wow, okay. You’re going to have to tell her about this one. There are certain trolls that would get a big head about something like this, but she’ll probably just smile and laugh and go, “That’s so cool!” and then carry on with her life. You think Nepeta’s done talking to people, but her phone dings and you lean over to see who it is.

CG: WOW.

AC: :33 < wow?

CG: YES, WOW.

CG: YOU JUST SAVED ALL OF OUR PITIFUL ASSES.

AC: :33 < it isnt that big a deal!

CG: WOW AGAIN.

CG: HOW CAN YOU BE SO CASUAL ABOUT SOMETHING THAT BIG?

AC: :33 < im not sure, but i am!

CG: YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING.

Her face goes olive green.

Oh, yeah. In your timeline, she has a thing for Karkat. Flushed crush, or whatever. You guess it carried to this timeline, too.

AC: :33 < im really not, but thank you karkitty!

CG: HEY.

CG: SO I’VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU SOME SHIT, AND I GUESS NOW IS THE IDEAL TIME TO DO THAT. SINCE YOU JUST SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE.

CG: I

CG: AM

CG: FLUSHED

CG: FOR

CG: YOU.

CG: YOU CAN HATE ME NOW.

AC: :33 < why would i hate you? i feel the same

CG: FUCK, REALLY?

CG: JEGUS.

CG: DO YOU WANT TO COME WATCH MOVIES AT MY PLACE?

AC: :33 < i would be delighted

You watch her tuck the phone into a pocket of her green jacket, and you wake up.

“Was it bad this time?” A voice asks, and you almost fall off of your bed. Rose snickers, leafing through her book. “Was your travel disheartening this time around?”

“No,” you respond before turning towards the wall.

 

* * *

 

The seventh life you dream is yours.

You’re at a wedding again. By the time you’ve appeared there, the groom (you) is already halfway through his vows. He’s rapping them. And the woman he’s marrying (Jade, you think it is) is laughing uncontrollably. The entire front row is cracking up, and even Rose is smiling. “Just kiss me, you idiot!” The bride cries, leaping forward and meshing her lips to yours. Now you know it’s Jade, especially because of the glimpse of black hair you caught beneath the veil and the partial view of her green eyes.

Your best man (John, it’s John, but you can only assume he’s your best man) lets out a pitiful squeak, and this is the first time you get the chance to notice that tears are welling in his eyes. “I have to go,” he mouths to someone in the front row, and you aren’t sure who until John runs off covering his mouth and the person he’d spoken to stands. It’s Karkat, of course it would be Karkat.

The wedding really isn’t that interesting, so you duck out of the place and follow closely behind Karkat. He ends up in the men’s bathroom, where John is leaning over the toilet and throwing up until there’s nothing left and he starts dry heaving. “God, John, why didn’t you tell anyone it was this bad?” Karkat asks, cocking his hip to the side.

Tell anyone _what_ was _this bad?_

“Because I want Jade to be happy. It’s okay, Dave never loved me anyway! I’m fine, see, all smiles!” John responds, grinning hugely. You can tell it’s fake.

“You are so full of bullshit,” Karkat replies. Apparently you aren’t the only one who knows what an authentic Egbert grin looks like. “C’mere.”

Karkat beckons him with one finger, and before you even have a chance to blink John is collapsing into the troll’s arms and crying into his shoulder. “I love him so much,” you hear John croak out, and Karkat sighs.

“Yeah, I know.”

You wake up, and for the second time, you throw up all over the carpet.

Rose is awake again, but when is she not? She cleans the carpet, but instead of kissing your head and going back to her own bed, she sits down beside you. “So. Do you plan to tell me what these dreams are about?”

“Sure,” you respond, and then you start explaining.

 

* * *

 

The eighth life you dream is again your own.

You can tell immediately that it’s a timeline where the game still happened. You’re standing in the middle of your old bedroom, but the major difference is that your cape is hanging on the wall across from where you’re currently standing. You aren’t sure why you’re here, or if anything is going to happen, but after a few passing seconds of silence your door is slammed open. You jump and draw your sword instinctively.

And then you remember you can’t be seen, so you shake your head at your own idiocy and put it away.

The person that slammed the door open was an alternate version of you, and you only know that because of his hair - his face is a little preoccupied. In other words, it’s attached to someone else’s. You can’t tell who they are, but you think it might have been that Egbert looking kid who was with your alpha timeline Bro.

You watch them stumble to the bed, and the other you breaks the heated kiss to push the kid down. Yeah, that’s him alright. If you can recall correctly, his name was Jake. He’s staring up at this you through his lashes, green eyes hazy with lust. God no. You are not going to sit here and watch yourself have sex with Jake (English?)

There’s nowhere for you to go, though, so you take refuge outside your bedroom and try your damndest to ignore the sounds of fucking. It works until it doesn’t, and you’re tuned in just in time to hear yourself climax, but this timeline you doesn’t say Jake,

he says John.

You wake up in a pool of your own sweat and tears.

“He died,” You utter weakly, wiping your eyes roughly. “He died and I replaced him.”

There’s a hand on your bicep. You know who it is, but you look up anyway. “Who?” Rose asks gently, taking a seat beside you. Her lips are still slathered in black lipstick, and you wonder if she ever takes it off.

“John,” You hiccup. “He died and I replaced him with Jake.”

“Oh.”

Rose lets you fall asleep in her arms.

 

* * *

 

The ninth life you dream is only partially yours.

You live a timeline of your Bro’s for the first time. The only thing to clue you in that it’s his is the smuppets scattered everywhere, but otherwise, you can’t tell. Your Bro had always lived in that shitty apartment you grew up in, but this is a house and it’s bigger than average. You can see out the window that’s next to you, into a backyard, where there’s an in-ground pool and a hot tub.

Huh. Weird. Knowing your Bro, he would never spend his money on a house like this. He was perfectly content in that shitty apartment, even though he had plenty of cash to spend from making smuppet porn. “Dave!” You hear someone call suddenly, and you almost fall over in shock because you thought they were calling you, but then someone shouts back a quick “in here” and you know it’s an alternate timeline version of you.

You follow the source of the “in here” to the room one over, and find a version of you that is slightly younger than current you lounging on a sofa. He has his hand burrowed in a bag of Doritos, and he’s sipping on a Coke can. A person leans around the corner.

It’s John.

“Do you know where Dirk is?” He asks, and this timeline you glares at him. John sighs, running a hand through his black hair and stepping into the room. He grabs a seat beside alternate you, and you grunt, moving away. “Dave, I know you don’t like me. But I’m engaged to your Bro, and frankly, you need to get over it.”

“Fuck you.” This you returns with mock kindness.

John sighs.

Even though this is a completely different timeline and a completely different you, you still feel kind of bad. Why is this version of you being such an asshole to John? He’s such a nice guy, and he still seems to be nice in this current timeline. “Listen, I’ve asked you what your problem is with me at least a million times now, and you still won’t tell me. So you might as well just get over it, or finally tell.”

“I’m jealous, okay?” This timeline you blurts suddenly. John looks taken aback, and this you is shaking with either nervousness or rage. “I’m really fucking jealous. Bro gets you all to himself, he gets to hug you and kiss you and fuck you and--”

“Oh-kay, Dave, I think that’s enough.” This John says, blowing out a breath that vaguely resembles a laugh. “I can’t really help you with that. Plus, you’re only thirteen, right? I’m twenty-nine. It would never work.”

An awkward silence settles over you and this John, and as John opens his mouth to say something else this version of you springs forward and crushes their lips together.

You wake up from the dream like any normal person would wake up from a dream.

Abruptly, but quietly and calmly.

Rose isn’t awake this time, and when you look over her back is turned to you and she’s curled into a tight ball. A light glows from her side, and you can only guess Kanaya must be with her. They must have fallen asleep in the middle of reading a book together or something, and Kanaya probably forgot to turn off her glow.

You blink a few times and try to turn away from the harsh white light, but a dead weight around your waist stops you. You look down and are met by a sea of black hair and a bright blue shirt, and you remember John had fallen asleep in your room and you’d been too lazy to take him to his own.

Sighing, you try to struggle out of his grip. The attempt proves futile when he mumbles something incomprehensible in his sleep and holds you tighter.

Those damn hammer arms.

 

* * *

 

You are the Knight of Time.

You’ve lived a million lives. Some that belonged to you, some that belonged to other people. You’ll probably live a million more,

but you would never want to live another life but this one.

(you pull john close by his dorky windsock hood and kiss him breathless)

(he punches you in the arm when you comment on the irony)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not really sure what i just wrote, but i hope someone out there enjoyed reading it.
> 
> thank you for reading/commenting/kudosing/bookmarking/whatever it is you do.


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